duckwhatduck: (Default)
No, self, stop looking at university websites.
No, you cannot just go and do another bachelor's in a totally different subject area as soon as you finish this one.
This is not a valid career plan.

Stop looking at the websites
duckwhatduck: (I don't like this)
One of my teeth is not-quite-hurting in that way that I'm not sure whether it's an actual problem or my imagination + the fact that everything always feels vaguely uncomfortable at this time of the month.

I really really hope it's the latter.

I dislike going to the dentist enough in England, add the language thing and not being familiar with the system and I really really am not happy about the idea of having to do it in Japan. (I've been pretty much counting on not needing to use healthcare anything this year; I have insurance and stuff but I don't...actually understand what it covers or how to use it and stuff and I'm generally healthy enough that 'avoid the issue :D' isn't actually that much of an unworkable strategy). If it would just hold off needing attention another couple of months that would be great.
duckwhatduck: (I don't like this)
Am coming to the realization that Oxford has kind of messed with my head, in that it's totally validated my innate tendency to assume I'm not doing anything well enough. It's really really disconcerting to me that in my job now people keep praising me and trying to be supportive and asking if I have too much work (I have hardly any work! I'm spending half the day reading totally unrelated things on Project Gutenberg, that is how little work I have.) I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It's just, for the last three years I've had a tutor on my back all the time, and even if I was working as hard as I could it wasn't good enough, and if it looked like I was slacking off there would be a smackdown, and "that's...not terrible" was basically the height of praise. And that actually works for me as an environment (because if you let me slack off, I will slack off). But it makes it really difficult for me to believe that people being nice are actually sincere.

(People say 'sugoi' and 'erai' and 'jouzu ne' and I panic, because they must be being sarcastic)

I keep waiting for someone to notice that I'm not doing anything worthwhile and they keep...not...

It's actually really stressful XD

At least I know where I stand in Oxford (even if it's in front of a grumpy Danish man calling me an idiot...)

(Also if you want me to write a 4,000 word essay in a fortnight, that I can do. What am I supposed to do with six months? How amazing do you want this essay to be? That long a deadline is far too much pressure!)


duckwhatduck: (Default)

October 2014

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